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« Military advice...for idiots? | Main | It could happen to you too »
Thursday
Feb102005

International Pun Contest Winners

I thought you might enjoy these puns, sent to me by my sister. As they said about the nun riding on the clown's back: "It was virgin on the ridiculous."

Puns from the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire **in
the **craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, " I
can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, --- thereby proving that only Hugh, can prevent
florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. No pun in ten did.*

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